Confessions of a Wannabe Writer
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2009
by John Weber
http://screambucket.com/
I want to write a novel. I want to write a novel so bad it hurts.
Not hurts, exactly-more like aches, or haunts. You get the picture.
So write it, you say. Quit your moanin' and complainin', procrastinatin' and delayin' . . . least, that's what I'd say. I'd give you my take-no-prisoners speech. Writers write! Non-writers don't. So be like Nike and Just Do It . . . or shut the hell up.
So instead, I wile away the hours. Reading novels I've already read, watching movies I've already watched, checking for e-mails I don't need to answer and SearchWarp validations I shouldn't need to-(gulp)-need.
Ernest would be disgusted.
"The people, the places, and how the weather was," he'd say (er, said). "If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you're a writer."
Well, Papa, I can and I have and I did (see The Point, John Weber, 2008; Commercial Fiction). The question is, can I do it again?
(Long, delayed pause, followed by a deep breath and much soul-searching).
"What we have here," my non-existent agent tells me, "is a FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE."
Correct, I admit. Absolutely! Right on the "no mas" money.
"So what are you going to do about it?"
(Another deep breath but no pause this time. Rather some certainty and a welcome hint of defiance-despite scores of rejections for the first novel).
Well, I'm going to realize that what I'm going through is the same self-doubt that virtually every writer about to undertake a novel goes through. That what I'm about to attempt is the creation of a whole new world filled with entirely new people. A story so compelling, so fascinating, that readers will leap at the opportunity to leave their own world for a few escapist hours in mine.
Nothing to it, really.
HAH!
(That's the heavyweight voice of reality pummeling the overmatched voice of delusion). But still . . .
I want to write a novel even better than my first. And I want to do it even though no one will understand my need to live pseudo-schizophrenicly in two worlds (my own and the evolving world of my characters) until it's done. I want to do it because I know I'll be completely fulfilled by the process-doing what I want to do, what I think I was born to do-even though self-doubt will nag me every step of the way.
"He's staying home to do what?"
"Write another book."
"But he couldn't find a publisher the first one. He self-published for God's sake."
"He did sell 500 copies."
" I could sell 500 copies!"
(Laughter all the way around.)
Anyway . . .
Nobel Prize winner, Andre Gide advises, "if a young writer can refrain from writing, he shouldn't hesitate to do so."
Well, thanks, Andre, but I'm not so young anymore-and maybe that's root of the problem. I'm too far into the game. If life's going to count-beyond the wife and the kids and the usual "be a good person" stuff, I've gotta' do something beyond the everyday nine-to-five.
And that, I guess, is the point. Writing's what I do-the rest is just stuff-and the test of me as a writer is a novel (whether I'm signed by a publisher or not).
So here goes nothing, I decide--no, scratch that--here goes something! Today is the first day of my second novel's new, fictitious life.
Epilogue
American writer John O'Hara once wrote, "an artist is his own fault."
(Another deep breath, but this time no self-doubt or soul-searching).
The author (that's ME) completely understands and accepts full responsibility.
God help me. Amen.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Hi John. Thank you for this well-written article. Having written two books is an awesome achievement and something to be very proud of. You inspire and encourage new writers. Thanks for sharing this. Kudos to you. ~Nenita~Thanks, Nenita. Writing a novel is a funny thing . . . the odds for commercial success are so stacked against you, there's so much self-doubt, but you do it anyway. It was a lot of fun to do, and my main "for me" goal in life. I hope I can do it again.
From the sounds of it, you're no longer a 'wannabe writer', you're the real deal, self-published or not. Congratulations on your first two books, and all the best with your next one!Thanks, Brianna. You know, it's addictive. I can think of a dozen reasons not to attempt another novel and only one reason to attempt it . . . I need to.
You know what to do, and I am glad you are doing it! I am still working on completing my FIRST book!Get that second book going and completed, sir!!Thanks, Ken. I will. Good luck with your book . . . let's knock Grisham and Brown and the rest of 'em down a peg on the Best Seller lists!
John, loved your article. Glad to hear you have, seeminly, gotten past the 'block.' Good luck with your new book.Thanks, Joyce. I'm not so much "blocked" as intimidated. I know what to write, and I believe I can write . . . it's just a question of getting past all the "practical" reasons not to write. I mean, who does this when there's so many other diversions out there? Believe me, I'm not all about the money, but it's hard to invest so much time and effort into something when the industry won't even look at you if you're not Grisham or Clancy or sleeping with some rock star or politician. This isn't sour grapes . . . it's the reality of publishing today. Ask the thousands of people who try. Here I go, talking myself out of it again. Just kidding . . . I'm going for it.
NowI know why I write everything BUT novels - have a couple that could turn out to be novellas on the back burner but oh, my....you obviously have what it takes - GO for IT! MarijoSorry, Marijo. I'm kinda' new to SearchWarp and I blew my response. Read the comment below . . . it's for you.
You know what Marijo? I have a degree in journalism, I've written thousands of articles (newspaper, TV and radio news stories, video scripts, etc.). In short, I've been "successful" (paid) in every form of writing except novel writing . . . the one thing I've always wanted to be good at. I turned 40 and wrote "The Point" (put up or shut up time). I loved the story and I'm very proud of it. But now I need to write something that's commercially successful . . . and that's the hard thing because these days it's so out of the writer's hands. Try finding a publisher or agent that will even accept a submission. Almost impossible. Anyway, there's always reasons not to try . . . only one good reason to try. I have to.
Good luck on your new novel. FEAR--FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL--Don't let it deter you. Welcome to SearchWarp.------Linda DThanks Linda. It's not so much fear as uncertainty over something (writing talent) that's hard to quantify (until you sell). eg. Talent--False evidence appearing real (see American Idol tryouts).
The book stores are filled with shelves filled with books that nobody ever reads; this site seems a far better venue to reach more people who need enlightenment.What could be more upsetting than to have all of your ideas carefully recorded for others to read in a book and then see it accumulate with dust unread on a bookstore shelf? Bless you; paul schroederYou're right, Paul. But I've got to tell you, my dream (since I was about 17) was to walk into a book store or library and see a novel with my name on it. It's forever . . . and to me, very cool! The feedback from readers has been tremendous too. The only downside is trying to find a publisher who's looking for your particular book at that particular time . . . virtually impossible . . . unles you sleep with a rock star or politician then tell all! Bless you!
I'm not so sure about the "wannabe" title either... :-) I felt quite daunted reading all your experience! You sound brave, clear, and open-minded to the realities of it all. All the best and looking forward to buying your non-dusty novel off a bestsellers shelf.
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